she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
