either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
