never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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