areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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