I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
