you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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