Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
