Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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