Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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