You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
