how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
