And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So vagazzling was a success
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
