she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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