I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
