Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
