im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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