Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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