Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
