my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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