Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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