he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I will be naked everywhere
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
