im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
