What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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