if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
