Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
