Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
