You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
