I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We left the knife in your bed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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