Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
