She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
