Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
