tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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