i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
