I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
