we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
