my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
