his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
