The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
