If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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