My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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