You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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