very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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