I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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