Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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