They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
