did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
