Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
