these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
