whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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