too bad you live with your parents still
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
